One

I first heard of the New Hess Hay most likely in a comic strip. The New Hess is a place -- a place very close to home (or the Homeland, if you prefer the modern revival of Nazi jargon). The New Hess government is a creation of the New Hess Constitution, etc . . .

I don't recall which comic strip it was. Indeed, it could well have been in an episode of the Rocky and Bullwinkle Show.
But it wasn't.

For one thing, it goes back a little further than Boris and Natasha. I've, in fact, narrowed it down to one of two Cold War comic strip sources: either Pogo or L'il Abner. In either case, it would be perfectly at home: a hick interpretation of how a Russian, European, or Asian might pronounce "USA." I strongly suspect Al Capp . . . from around the time that a fictional Asian power he created allowed its airlines to dlop slops (dump waste) over Dogpatch, USA. I think one of the pilots may have called us the New Hess.

The name has become a pretty snug fit over recent decades, has occurred to me many times as deserving of resurrection. What the hell -- it's more fitting now than it was when Stalin was reviewing all those endless military parades, and I was ducking and covering in the hallway, or in the cloakroom, or under my classroom desk.

I'm weird enough to just love the "Hess" part. Historic links and all, you know . . . all the more fitting. Savor the rich and heavy bass tones of pure fascism in New Hess Intelligence, New Hess Imperialism, New Hess racial policies . . .

Ever wonder how things got so royally fucked up? Or when? Both questions have the same answer.

Ronald Reagan.